here i am

Well, here I am. It's another muggy humid day. It's Saturday. I should be resting, and I did rest ... but there's lots to be done, and I'm in one of those moods. One of those letsgetstuffdone! moods. I have to take advantage of them while they're here. So I napped, and now I'm ... well ... I'm getting stuff done. It's been a hectic week of too little sleep and nine million things to keep track of as I begin to prepare for the school year to start. It's always the same - a little daunting, a little exciting all at once. But as each year passes, it gets to be a little less of the daunting, and a little more of the exciting. I still like shopping for cute crisp fun useful school supplies. Funky notebooks, the smell of pencils. I guess like everybody. I've been eating like crap (people like to show their love and appreciation with bad-for-you-foods ... I gladly accept - next week is a new week, and I'm too exhausted to cook!) and have been too...

Well, I just got home from seeing Hank III, and I must say I had a very excellent time. Unlike my good friend Asia , I did stay for the assjack show in its entirety, so maybe I can weigh in on that side of things. Though what can you say, really? They kick ass. (jack) I haven't let quite that far loose in a long time. My inner former jr. high punk rock self came back to say hello for an hour or two. Okay, granted, I was on the edge of the pit shoving them back in, instead of in the middle of it myself - but then again, I was wearing pink suede pumps so ... some things do change, I guess. I wanted to be in there though. And I probably will have whiplash tomorrow. I forgot just how cathartic that whole experience is. The energy. The release. The only place in the world where violence is friendly. The way everyone stops and steps aside if someone loses their glasses ... or hastily hoists up the fallen so they don't get trampled ... or lovingly elbows their neighbor in the face ....

Sunday evening I was in the midst of one of my rare cleaning frenzies, and I was trying to finish up the vacuuming before I headed off to work. I my haste, I got caught up in the cord of the antique brass standing lamp in the living room and it wobbled hesitantly, then decided to go on ahead and topple over as I watched ... It crashed down and I had that suspended in a moment hope that the thick translucent hobnail glass shade would prove to be strong and sturdy and by some miracle not break. No such luck. I numbly vacuumed up the gleaming white shards with tears in my eyes ... Then I carefully unscrewed the base and quietly put the lamp in the closet. We bought it on a whim - not even knowing if it was in working order - at one of the first auctions we attended together. Back when the world was fresh and new, and we were fresh and new, and time and pain and disillusionment had not yet taken their toll on us ... It turned out that when we got it home, it didn't work. At first. But ...

Dating sucks again. I give up. For really real this time. I know this is gonna sound trite, but I'm holding out for someone who is enthralled by me in all my gloriously idiosyncratic uniqueness and appreciates all that I have to give and who can give me what I need, too. The rest of the game is just rubbish and bs and mental and emotional exhaustion and frankly - prefiero estar a solas que en mala compañia. I'm moving in a year hopefully anyway. I'll start over when I start over. M

Si*Sé finally has a new album coming out!!!! You can also hear songs from the old and new albums here . Uh-huh, uh-huh-uh-huh, uh-huh! Just had to jump for joy. M

I always try really hard to make friends with a praying mantis whenever I happen to meet one, because they freak me out so very, very much. Sometimes I think maybe this very dynamic is a metaphor for the way I live my life. Of course, I'm fond of exaggeration and generalizations. M

Okay - here are the two things (cool, or not so cool, depending) about the point I'm at in my running currently: #1 every mile I run could qualify as a so-called "junk mile." #2 there is no such thing as a "bad run" ... Even if I backslide, which I did today. My heart was just not in it. Everything in my being did NOT want to be out there today. My feet were just not beneath me. I was heaving at it from up in my sinus cavity. Of course it is 100 degrees out right now ... and I have had this totally obnoxious cold thing that won't become an actual cold, and won't go away ... it just sits there in my head somewhere, threatening. But it's okay, because even though I went back in time, I was still out there. I made myself be out there and do it. Every time I run, something gets stronger in me. It's the one and only thing in my life I've ever done wholly and completely for myself - with absolutely nothing to prove to anyone except myself. ...