here i am

today is officially the last day of school for us. there has been something in the air. everyone has seemed extra sensitive. a little volatile. vulnerable. slight perceptions of harm evoke painful wails and extreme reactions. plus everyone's wild ... crazy-loco. i'm more tired at the end of the day than i normally am. they're wearing me out! i think they can sense something in the air. it's got them all stirred up. they are deeply a community. they know some friends will be leaving, moving on, or that they themselves will be, they know somehow, about the upheaval that is change. it's interesting that this 'last week of school' phenomenon happens even to ones of this small age. maybe even more so. because they aren't able to identify or articulate the source of their confusion. one more day. deep breath. m

i started another blog on another site and i remember now why i did this one the way i did (with not many people i know in 'real life' knowing the address - if i had it to do over again, none would). so i got sort of caught up somewhere in between and between that and being dead tired and exhausted with work, i got into a not-writing-much phase. ech. it's not a good place for me. i feel like a sawdusty wheel, or dried blood in decomposing veins. non-flow. now. it has been heavy air for days wanting wanting wanting needing to rain. i've been aching waiting sighing in the humid hot ... but more than that ... just so very unreleased. and the sky has just unleashed itself and the air is cool burst open free flashing wet gushing wholly open. so right this very moment i'm going to go get soaked and shimmy barefoot crazed in a puddle somewhere. and hope to fuck i this is me starting to write again. because i have a lot of stuff to say. m