here i am

it was a year in march, and we still haven't scattered my dad's ashes this man i love being terrified of real love the wonder that is l scrumblecake self sabotage coffee starting anew and impostor syndrome i haven't been to temple in a really long time trust hard chance the rapper anxiety not being a grown-up what the fuck am i doing? friendships near and far.  but mostly far. where do people go when they just drop off the face of the earth?  are they with the missing socks? arraignment being present having not been carnivory laying it all down new orleans adventure vs stagnation false dichotomies just kidding i might not talk about all this stuff but these are the things that are on my mind, some of which i hope to come back to

i'm not in the habit yet, of writing, again.  i don't know what reminded me that i had restarted this little project, but here i am. i had a handful of thoughts or ideas i was planning to share, but they seem to have vanished.  no matter.  let's see what shows up.  what can i say about life today? i am tired but happy my girl is now nine and smart and sassy and creative and wondrous and wonderful and way too good for me i keep trying to quit caffeine and failing i love an amazing man who loves me and who i also feel sometimes i don't deserve but then again, i do i am drinking rooibos tea and once again sitting cross-legged on an over-sized chair in my living room, on a slightly cool and blustery day, listening to birds chitter and cars drive by sometimes my anger is bigger than me sometimes i feel disconnected from g-d and from those i purport to love sometimes i feel disconnected from myself i disabled my facebook account again i need to meditate but h...