here i am

it seems as though i tend to take up writing again, when i do, in spring.  i don't know that i have any particular reading of this observation, it's just something i noticed.  maybe something about renewal and starting fresh, starting over? i am sitting in my living room and the windows are open and it's a bit chilly but the fresh air feels good.  i have a blanket on my legs and i am sitting cross-legged on a chair.  it's funny to think about writing this blog from this place, this here-now, when i have written it in other places before.  when i think about this blog, it's as though i give it a particular time-space all its own, but i also associate it strongly with the apartment where i lived when it all began.  which feels (and i guess sort of is) a lifetime ago.  i feel like a completely different person, this almost-ten-years-in-the-future me.  back to that catch-up conundrum.  how to explain how different i am now, and all that's happe...

hi there. this feels crazy.  like taking an old, tattered, long-neglected volume off the shelf and blowing the dust off.  it's been so weirdly long.  how are you?  is there anybody out there (in here?) any more?  how long has it been since i have put fingers to this keyboard to spill out the stuff of my life into this blank space?  my brain feels creaky. wobbly knees approaching the high dive.  can i do it?  what's down there if i jump?  how am i gonna land?  how do i do this? who am i? and where do i start?  is it like a phone conversation with an old friend where you spend hours trying to catch each other up?  or do i just start from here, now, and go forward?  i feel like there is some inevitability that the catch-up stuff will make its way out if i start to try to tell you about the here-now.  besides, how to make a conscious effort to put into words all that has happened in the past however-many-years?  ...