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big news

last night, i found out that i'm pregnant.

as it was unexpected (but not unwelcome), there is a wonderfully complex swirling of emotions and thoughts inhabiting me today.

before i found out, when i was still just wondering, worrying ... there was an anxiety inside of me ... and now that i know, it's still sort of there, but less so. it's turned into a sort of wonderment. there's nothing to fear; everything just has to work out now.

i'd been inching ever closer to feeling that i wanted children - from the 'no way, not me' of once upon a time, to the 'well maybe someday' of a few years ago, to the 'yes, i'm pretty sure i do, but not now' ... to 'yes, i do, soon' to ... well, today.

sometimes life chooses you.

things are definitely not perfect. i'd like to be richer. i'd like to have insurance. i'd like to own a home, or at least a shot in hell at doing so. i'd like not to have just started a new job and have to figure out what i'm going to do when it comes time to take leave. i'd like to be able to be a stay at home parent for the first few years. i'd like not be alone right now (as i will be, for the first little while). i'd like to have had a couple of years of couple hood with my partner before taking this particular plunge.

but - here it is. here i am. on the road to becoming a mother. there's something suddenly magical, powerful in me. just now, as i listened to my likely-soon-to-be midwife's phone message, an enormous grin spread across my face. a proud wide embrace of the honor in what she said. '... and congratulations on being pregnant,' she said. it hadn't occurred to me!

and all my doubts and fears about whether or not i can do it - in the psychological sense - i mean to say, am i ready - that big question - well ...

i'm a lot more ready than i ever thought i'd be. and i don't think i ever would have believed i was - strongly enough to just do it.

it was just time, i guess. so here we go!

(i think i can do this)

m

Comments

Anonymous said…
Yes. You. Can.

Congratulations, M.

Zarah
10:49 pm
Kristiana said…
congratulations! you'll be a fabulous mother.
10:23 pm
Murph said…
Congradulations babe.

Much happiness to you and your's.

S.
12:49 am
Murph said…
Hey babe, hope things are still going well.

Just thought I would pop back by and wish you an early happy 32nd.

Hope things are well with you and yours and the soon to be nose miner. (insert random pestering about pre-natal exams and vitamins and healthy living here)

Be well.

S.
11:51 pm
Murph said…
I don't remember the exact day, so I'll just keep posting Happy Birthday messages until you tell me to shut up.

Hope all is well with you.

Make sure you keep up on your pre-natal exams, and take some extra vitamine B (It helps with morning sickness, if that is an issue for you).

Much love and happiness your direction.

S.
2:20 am
Murph said…
So, what news? Is everything going well?

Hope so.

Happy Holidays.
2:42 pm
Anonymous said…
Just checking in to see how you are doing.

Hope you are well, hope to hear from ya.

M.
5:23 am
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