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confession

about twice a year, almost like clockwork, something like this happens and i swear i'm never speaking to you again.

usually i'm hurt and more than a little bit angry and indignant. this time i'm mostly just sad, and i feel sorry for you. i wish you had the capacity to communicate what you are feeling about me to me and with me.

i used to care what you thought about me, but now i'm just tired of having you judge me all the time. especially now that i see just how unfounded your judgements are. i have always supported you, even when i was skeptical of your choices. i love you and have done my best to hold back my judgement.

i feel sorry for you that you think you are so superior to everyone else that you feel justified in hating them and disdaining them for their choices ... and justified in treating them like total garbage as a result.

i would never treat you the way you have treated me, or the ways you have treated other people in our family and people that you love. you just don't treat people that way. i'm tired of being treated this way.

i'm not even swearing off speaking to you again this time, that would require too much venom. i just don't care anymore. i don't trust you, and i don't feel i can be close to you anymore. it's as simple as that. you've irreparably broken our bond.

i'm just sad. and i'm sorry that you have to live your life as such an angry, hateful person.

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