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it's getting to be time

today was just so heartbreaking and true. i just kept sitting down staring into the distance, knowing things. knowing things like ouch my heart hurts. knowing things like damn i'm a nice person. and i'm super fantastic and one of a kind. knowing things like i need someone to be good to me. knowing things like i'm not being treated as well as i should be. things like i need to stop being addicted to falling in love and selling myself short and taking less than i really do deserve.

today felt like a scone. like you might groove more on a puffy glazed donut or a gooey piece of chocolate cake, but all you really need is just the slight softness and crumbly sweetness of a scone, and you know it. a scone is enough. a scone is more than enough - it is precisely enough. something quiet, with hushed grey skies and a breeze moving bare branches sadly.

i kept almost crying, and knowing it would be okay if i did. not fighting the cry. knowing i deserved to be sad. knowing that being sad is what i needed today. being sad makes you say, 'nuh-uh ... go away please mister, you're not a nice fella, and you're not being nice to me.'

i'm a nice girl. i really, really am.

and then i was stretching after running a coupla miles on the treadmill at the y, and lauren's 'doo wop' came on the radio.

yeah.

m

Comments

Kristiana said…
Demand niceness. There were times when I didnt, and have always regretted it. :)
10:32 pm
mayim said…
yeah. the sad truth of the matter is that he is truly a really nice guy (i've been with some of those not nice guy types too). and he's been really nice to me. but not nice enough. not in the right ways.

i shall demand all the right kinds of niceness, in every concievable way.

m
10:37 pm
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